I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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