And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
