I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
