So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
