I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
