i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
