The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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