We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
