Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize