I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
