I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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