doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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