it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
