Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
