do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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