some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
