what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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