first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
