Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
