I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
