I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
