The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
