we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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