your parents love me but you hate me
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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