are you still at the devil's house?
Fuck appropriateness.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
