I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
