I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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