Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
