maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
