she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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