I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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