I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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