We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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