omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
