I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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