dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
