Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
