he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
