She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
