dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
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Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
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He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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