I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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