My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
