I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
