My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
