90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
