I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
