I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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