I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
