Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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