another moral hangover. fuck.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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