Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
