We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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