Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Drunk is not a location!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
