New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize