Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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