just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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