4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My vagina just clenched in fear
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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