just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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