Already got asked if we're dating
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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