I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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