It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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