So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
