we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
