First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
When are your genitals available?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
