i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i think im in europe. pls send help
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
