Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
