we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
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It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
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I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up