i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her