If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
