I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.